Love the Lord Your God

I’ve never really known what real love is. I discovered my lack of understanding recently, while having marital troubles, which I’ve written a little bit about Here(Love Suffers: It Must!). I’m learning, but all I have right now is a great theory of how to surrender which, as of yet, is really untested. But I have discovered one thing that must stop: Conditional Love. I have only loved God (and my wife) under certain conditions. I love God when things are going good but when life takes a turn for the worst, I stop loving and start blaming. I blame Him for anything that is happening in my life that I don’t want or like. This is just not cool and it’s not OK.

I have to learn to love God even when life isn’t going the way that I would like it to be. I need to let God do (or not do) whatever He wants and choose to love Him anyway. Even if I don’t feel like He is acting very loving, I must love Him regardless. I must learn to love my wife the same way. Rina doesn’t always act loving but I can’t blame her. I must love her as an act of the will – through the choices that I make. My love cannot be conditional.

So, I’m saying to God (and to my wife): Do whatever you want, I’m going to love you regardless, because that’s the way you love me. This is the covenant and it must go both ways. The last verse that the prophet Habbakkuk wrote rings true for me:

Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

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The Prayer of Fear


I’ve been praying prayers of fear for years. The structure for them is basically the same as what Jesus taught in the “Our Father” or the “Lord’s Prayer” with just some slight variations of my own. Here is generally how my prayers of fear go:

      1. Praise: Oh Great and Wonderful; All Knowing; All Powerful; and Loving Father. You alone are Holy.

      2. Flattery: I know that You can do whatever You want and all things are possible for You.

      3. Declarations: Since Jesus died for my sins and I’m in a blood covenant with You then I have the Keys to the Kingdom and nothing will be withheld from me.

      4. Logical Conclusion: Therefore, I should win this power ball jackpot so that I can have abundant life just as Jesus promised and, He never breaks a promise.

      5. Negotiation: You know me, I will give 20% of all my winnings to whomever you want me to.

      6. Benediction: Blessed is God , Yours is the Kingdom; Power; and glory forever Amen.

      7. Gods Answer: No!

This prayer is rooted in my fears and I’m slowly beginning to learn that God doesn’t serve my fears. My fears mainly revolves around my financial situation. I feel that God should change “what is” because I’m not “OK” with it. But God is not in the business of changing what is to make my fears vanish. Fear is a liar, and I know that God is with me. Michael Singer, author of the “Untethered Soul” writes “everything will be okay as soon as you are okay with everything, and that’s the only time everything will be okay.”

It is time for me to stop praying the prayers of fear and start praying prayers of faith. The only problem is : I’m not really sure that I know what faith is, but I know what it is not and that’s a good place to start.