Build Walls, Guard them, Eliminate any threat from the Orphans and the Widows

     The world is a nasty place.  I know.  I’m a psychiatric nurse which means I make a living helping the victims and the perpetrators of the world’s evil.  Having been doing this for 11 years, I’m in favor of capital punishment for a variety of different crimes because I’ve seen there effect on the victims and their families.  I’m also a recovering alcoholic and drug addict and have been involved in some shady stuff myself.  Even though I’ve been clean for 15 years, the world seems to have gotten progressively worse.  I’ve always believed that my wife and I must be right 100 percent of the time to protect our kids from some kind of evil and the perpetrator of that evil only has to be right one time.  I do all in my power to protect my kids.  We live in the woods.  We have a German Shepherd.  We lock our doors.  I have guns.  While there is some prudence in all of this, the baseline of it all is Fear.  Mainly, that God has bestowed upon me the commission to raise, educate, and protect these children and if I fail, they will suffer for it.  My strategy for this is not prayer, fasting, and walking by the Spirit.  My strategy is to build walls, guard them, and eliminate any possible threat.  Does this strategy sound familiar.  If you’ve been following the Syrian refugee crisis recently, it should.

     Monday night, I came home from work to find my wife sobbing (I’m talking tears, snot, shaking, moaning, and many other expletives I could use to describe her distraught emotional condition).  What wrong?  She believed that God had showed her something about her inadequate response to the Syrian refugee crisis.  She had just finished writing the Holocaust 2015 article that many of you have read.  She wanted me to read it.  I did.  My response?

“Your not seriously thinking about bringing someone into this house or into our country that might pose a threat to our family or someone else’s are you?”

“If that’s what God tells me to do, yes.  How can we do anything different?”  She asked.

“No we will not!”  I answered  “This is not our problem to fix.  The tyranny of evil men has created this issue and Muslim countries don’t seem to be taking these people in, so why should I be responsible for the fallout of their evil and help a people that we all know cannot be trusted?”  I was really angry and we stopped talking about it and I went to bed.  Now, God and I have a very personal relationship and I don’t mind telling Him like I see it: “This is bullshit God, what the hell are you telling her this crap for?  Those damn people cannot be trusted.  How is this my problem to fix?”  His response?  Silence!  I was pissed.  “No way, will I ever bring a Muslim into this house, not now not ever!  I will protect my family no matter what.”  God and Rina just weren’t seeing the big picture.  Let me explain the bigger picture to you as I saw it.

     I’m not afraid to die for God.  I’m not volunteering for it, but, If I had to, I think that I could/would do it.  I think it would suck, but I’m pretty sure I would do it.  I have a martyr/narcissistic/ hero complex anyway  so if I thought I could be remembered as a hero of the faith for all times and I’m going to die eventually someday, well, sign me up.  I do, however, have a fear of surviving.  Specifically, surviving after my children.  If anything ever happened to them, I would be constantly second guessing myself and living with the fact that I failed to protect them.  This would haunt me all the days of my life.  It can’t happen.  I must do all that I can to protect them.  Build walls, guard them, and eliminate any threat.  Rina and God need to understand this.  So I decided:

I will convince them from the scriptures.

     I began to make a mental note of all the biblical references of war and times when woman and children suffered terrible deaths.  A people “under the ban” experienced wars that were ugly, messy, and nasty.  The Biblical narrative describes how many of them died heinous deaths.  “See God and Rina, we should do nothing about this problem because it happened in the bible.”  Yep, there is my “out”.  In reality, I knew that it was wrong.  It was completely out of context but it was license for me to continue to live in fear and it justified my strategy. Build walls, guard them, and eliminate any threat.  But God, who was silent at my recent venting, still had something powerful to say.  Who did he say it through?  The last person I would ever have expected: President Barak Obama.  The next day on my way to work, I heard the President on the radio say, “We are not well served when, in response to a terrorist attack, we descend into fear and panic.  We don’t make good decisions if it’s based on hysteria or an exaggeration of risks.  Apparently they are scared of widows and orphans coming into the United States of America.”  

     That statement rocked me.  Here was “this guy” using biblical language to tell me what the Godly thing to do was.  I’m not an Obama fan.  I am a Republican.  I’m a conservative right leaning evangelical.  I spent most of my day setting a trap line today because I live in the heartland of Kentucky and its that season.  I have chickens, milk goats, and a family cow.  I have guns because I believe that it is better to have them and not need them than to need them and not have them.  I also believe that it is my God-given second amendment right to have as many guns as I damn well please.  I spend my spare time lifting weights.  I’m an Army infantry veteran.  I served two tours with the 101st Airborne Division and two tours with the Berlin Brigade. I have voted straight Republican in every election since H.W. Bush first term.  Here was “this guy” telling me the biblical thing to do.  I had completely missed it but he hadn’t.  What the President said here, like him or not, is a word of truth.  If God can speak a word of truth through Balaam’s donkey then He can also speak a word of truth through this President.  No offense, Mr. President.  How had I missed it, before?  Fear.

     I can’t serve my fear any longer.  I’ve written about this recently in my post “Fear and Expectations.”  Just as I can’t serve my fears, God certainly won’t serve them.  In the end, I’m left with a choice.  Trust God or trust myself.  To be honest, trusting myself has worked out pretty good so far but I know that that is only a delusion.  I don’t know how many times God has protected us without my knowledge.  My strategy is a pipe-dream.  It only serves to fuel the fears because if I fail while implementing it, I prove my own inadequacy.  It is better to let God be and do all that He said he would be and do.  It’s just wrong for me to continue on with my current strategy.   I trust God.  I trust Him to protect me and my family.  However, just as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendego told Nebuchadnezzar, “”But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”  They were then thrown into the fiery furnace only to be saved by God.  We will not bend the knee to fear any longer.  Come what may. 


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